movie/documentary called when we were bullies Review + my own thoughts in general

 This documentary is serious garbage.  Its about a guy who remembers an incident in which him and a lot of his other classmates gang up and basically taunt/spit at/hit one kid.  The whole documentary goes through numerous classmates of that particular class.  All the classmates speak on what they remember about the bullied student and what happened in that particular incident.  Some remembered things others didnt. Some just remembered the student but not the particular incident.  The whole thing was stupid as hell cuz the only time the victim actually shared his thoughts were to ask for a dvd of the film in which he was mentioned.  Otherwise no communication with him occurs.  

 So anytime one of the interviewed class mates would say something about the victim I would think the classmate was just a fucking scum bag to the victim.  I think the guy who made the documentary is a scumbag.  His name is jay Rosenblat.  He came off as a complete cunt along with everyone else involved.  And I hope the subject of his documentary told him so.  Cuz if it was me and my classmates contacted me for something like this thats what I would say to them. 

I didnt like it because it made me think about my own negative school experiences.  I was never really jumped but I was threatened a lot.  And I was made fun of a lot.   By both students and teachers. This movie made me think of that.   I could never relax in school.  8 hours a day of constantly being in fear of being a laughing stock.  Trying to think 10 steps ahead on how to avoid potential torment.  Getting tormented about something I didnt think to prepare for.  It sucked and I couldnt wait to get out.  I left the first second I could .  Looking back on it was the equivalent of frantically trying to come up with get rich quick schemes on an almost daily basis.  I could not focus on grades I couldnt eat properly.  All I could think about was just getting a break for being made fun of.  It got to a point where if I was in school I considered it the worst day of my life.  Fuck all those cocksuckers.  Here I am 20 years later and I will tell them all to their faces.  But it fucked me up too.  I try not to tell anyone anything about me cuz I dont want it used against me later.  Women dont like being in relationships with anti social loners unfortunately.  But my school experiences was the beginning of the end for me.  Im antisocial cuz I dont like being made fun of.  And these fuckers made me like that. 

  And all the people who would gang up on me together for the most part started being nice to me or indifferent.  They would randomly try to chat with me and be friendly too.  Which I thought was very weird.  I was suspicious of it.

 When I was in 10th grade I saw some tarot cards on the floor.  I picked them up and looked at it.  I put it back 2 seconds later where I found it.  2 minutes later some girl walked up to me and kicked me.  And I go what your problem and she starts getting mad I touched her tarot cards.  I had a grudge against her after that.  Anyway 2 years later I was friendly and on relative good terms with her friends.  But I rarely if ever spoke to her.  In fact I dont remember ever initiating any kind of conversations with her.  She one day out the blue asked me if I thought she was nice and I told her "No" laughed and walked off.  And it was cuz of that tarot card incident.  Even though I didnt tell her thats what it was.  I should have told her that but I didnt think of it at the time.  All I thought was shes a bitch and didnt realize why.  In fact I didnt even realize the reason that I didnt think she was nice until a lot later. 

Anyway it takes 2 to tango.  Im not exactly mr.innocent in the whole thing cuz there is the above incident I just spoke about.  As well as other things.  I went to a combined junior high/high school.  I got there in junior high.  I tried to make friends with everyone  and have everyone like me and got shit on.  People apparently dont like people who try to make other people like them.  The shit ended in the begining of 10th grade around november (the tarot card thing happened in september probably the 3rd or 4th day of school).  November of 10th grade Thats when I stopped giving a fuck.  Told anyone who at one point or another made fun of me to go fuck themselves.  Or really everyone and started doing my own thing.  I accept my own responsibility cuz at that point I could have focused on my grades which I regret not doing.  As well other more positive things.  So its as much my fault as much theres.  I didnt like the mainstream anything that they liked and I  would listen to underground music and have obscure hobbies.  Basically I had nothing in common and I didnt want to have anything in common.  In a way I rejected them but only after they rejected me. 

 Once I became an adult 18 and beyond.  I tried to reinvent myself and put myself out there.  And basically get over all those scumbag students and teachers (yes my teachers were instigators).  But I basically just ended up meeting more and more scumbags who were as bad or worse.  Ive thrown in the towel for the most part and I am lot happier.  Most people are mainstream assholes who cant think for themselves and do whatever society tells them to and like what they are told to like.  But on the flipside you should give everyone a chance which I do.  There still might be hope for me.  I hope so.  I just want to find a woman who is nice to me and get married. 

 

I read all the time stories on reddit and whatnot.   People who befriend their ex-bullies on facebook or some other social media platform.  Asking them why the torment.  The bully would either reply with an apology or deny any responsibility.  I never understood this.  There is no why.  Cuz the people that bully you are shit.  If they ask for forgiveness tell them go fuck their dead great grandmother.  Get nasty cuz most likely its on the internet anyway  lol.  People here are way nastier then in real life cuz of no physical retaliation.  But I digress.  In all fairness I know a lot of people that went through way worse shit then me and are more fucked up then me.  

Anyway moral of my rambling is this.  The documentary sucks donkey cocks.  

Also the reason why you are being bullied is because you are asking why you are getting bullied.  

Dont forgive your bullies.  Or forgive them its your lifes choice.  But it does feel good to tell them to fuck off and get revenge on them (whether non violent or not).   I never got any violent revenge on them unfortunately.  But its probably better off that way cuz I dont want any jail time or any legal problems.  

Search my blog on the story where I told this guy to fuck his mother LOL.  I feel excellant about that. 

Song of the week:ACCELERATE by GHOST COP

I had the chance to catch their live show recently.  These guys are great.  They played a new song called shot in the dark which I really enjoyed.  I asked about it but they said it wasnt out yet.  So be on the look out for it I guess.  Shot in the dark would be song of the week if it was out.  Accelerate is awesome too.  They had mic issues during the song and the singer was gangster as hell by not missing a single note or lyric while multi tasking to try to fix the issue with the equipment.  It sounded really great live and I truly enjoyed the performance.  

check out the studio version of the song.

When a woman asks how many girl friends you have had (STORY TIME)

 About 6 months ago I matched with a woman on line.   We decided to go on a date and We discussed various things.  She made a lot of bitchy/jokey comments about how bad I was.  Whatever I just ignored it and kept the conversation moving on.  Most girls dont know how to flirt properly anyway.    One thing she wouldnt drop was how many girlfriends Ive had.  I really didnt want to answer this one.  I felt its the equivalent of me asking her how many cocks she sucked.  

Truthfully I would rather not know about how many cocks she sucked.  So I didnt ask her.  When she asked me about my girlfriends number I told her it was a secret and then I laughed in her face.  She laughed too.  We kept the conversation going on about other things while walking around the park.  The only issue was she kept on asking me about the girlfriends.  It got to about 6 times she asked me and it was pissing me off that she wouldnt drop it even though I already drew the line.  

Minus the sordid details of whatever sex/relationships with women Ive had I gave her and TLDR version of my life story.  When she pressed for details on certain events I told her.  Some of these events of my life included struggles Ive had in my life.  Issues with my parents etc. I saw no reason to hide all my info.  After all we were trying to get to know each other.  This woman made fun of me and/or insulted me about my past struggles.  Struggles which I have overcome but in all honestly I felt it was beyond teasing and just pretty much dirty cheap shot against me.  

Every now and then I would say something and she would chime in about what a bad person I was.  Anyway, towards the end of the date there was a silence cuz I was pretty much fed up with her insults and I went into my head and realized that she was making me insanely depressed.  I was also really tired from work that day as well so the lack of sleep didnt help.  I was in a spot where I was not able to think clearly.  But I was upset not from the first few "Youre such a bad person comments"  but really when its like 25 times I am starting to get the hint from her.  

 She was getting pretty frustrated with me not telling her about how many girlfriends Ive had. She kept asking me why I wouldnt answer.  She wouldnt drop it.  It was annoying.  I felt like she would use the answer against me negatively especially cuz of the way she was acting with all the other wounds she opened up and poured salt into.  Anyway When I was in my head briefly I thought how depressed she was making me, how tired I was and how going for the kiss would be a huge mistake and I didnt want this woman in my house at all.  I didnt want to deal with her.  I didnt insult her or cross any lines with regards to her cock numbers even though I could have.  I also didnt get up and scream "bitch" in her face even though she deserved it.   I just ran out the clock the date on the date.  I walked her to her bus and I gave her a hug and I told her Id text.  

I slept on it and decided I didnt want to deal with her again.  I also thought she didnt like me anyway so it was useless to even bother and I didnt want to inflate her ego.  It ended up she texted me.  She said she was "a little rude"  and that she was sorry and had fun and wanted to go on another date.  I decided right then and there and ignored her.  She texted me 10 more times over the course of the next 3 days.  Asking me if she was really that rude.  I ignored all of them.  Finally she gave up.  

Anyway I feel like if I replied she would have cancelled/played games about the second date and beyond.  I also was googling around and it turns out it might have all been shit tests.  Because I didnt yell at her and just kept on trying to draw the line about the not telling her certain things and trying to constantly change the subject I might have passed them.  Or I could have failed all of the shit tests miserably.  I am actually unsure.  She texted me 10 times after and I ignored all of them and basically never contacted her again but she was persistent for a few days.  So that itself means whatever you want it to mean I guess.  Maybe she liked me.  Maybe not texting her turned her on. 

I truthfully think she just wanted me to ask her out again just so she could say no and make fun of me/disrespect me.  I also didnt have any fun on the date anyway so I decided to move on.  I thought this up just recently cuz she popped into my head for some reason.  But at the time I actually thought she liked me and thats why she was so eager to pursue a relationship.  I also didnt want to reply cuz I didnt want to give her any closure.  I could have told her the truth was that I knew that I hated her now for the way she acted on the date with all the insults (real or perceived)  but I didnt.  I thought that would piss her off more.  Idk if it did or not.  

song of the week:S Y Z Y G Y X - In Pieces

This is was the first or second song they played when I saw their saw their concert a few weeks ago.  I loved it. Made me a fan right away. Check them out.  Is that all there is is an awesome album. 

darkwave/synth/cold wave/new wave groups/EBM/witch house bands

 I love these types of bands.  Boy harsher, TR/ST, S Y Z Y G Y X, tearful moon, crystal castles, nuovo testamento, body of light are some of my favorites. Not all of these groups have websites.  They have bandcamp, facebook and instagrams amongst other social media BS accounts.  

My issue with the bands that dont have websites all about them is that it is hard to follow them.  I have to actively google constantly to see if they are playing concerts in my area.  It would be nice to check a website with a list of tourdates instead of going to event brite, axs, ticketmaster, and various venue website pages to find shows to go to.  

For example I found out s y z y g y x is playing a show in my area by lurking on their facebook.   I found out by chance.  After I saw them a few weeks ago I havent been able to get enough of their music and it is great that I have a chance to see them again now that I know more of their music.  But it could have easily been that I missed this show just because I was not made aware.  

I think all these bands if they are serious about getting people to listen to their music should make them selves more easily accessible.  I actually dont know much of any of these bands at all other then I like their songs.  And in some cases I dont even know what they look like.  maybe that is their game.  

And I could sign up for facebook/instagram/etc.  But in all honesty I hate those apps and I want nothing to do with them.  I am antisocial.   I dont want to be associated with those types of sites.  And I have seen the types of kids that go to the shows of the bands I have mentioned they are way more introverted then me and there is a good chance they feel even more strongly against those sites as well.  

Plus instagram etc may be popular now but you never know when the next big app will take off and then instagram will be forgotten.  It happened with myspace.  And imo facebook is like that too. 

song of the week: Marilyn Manson - Apple Of Sodom (Dead To The World)

Recently saw this david lynch movie called lost highway.  I absolutely loved it.  I watched it once before a few years ago before and couldnt understand it.  But the second time around I was able to appreciate it more.  Not necessarily understand it cuz it is a convoluted confusing story, but I liked it a lot better the second time.  I also watched a bunch of other david lynch stuff inbetween the first time I watched this and the second time (most notably twin peaks).  

Anyway the lost highway soundtrack is actually really good.  It has good songs by marilyn manson (there is another song besides this one), NIN, smashing pumpkins, rammstein and david bowie.  All great stuff.  Apple of sodom is definatley my favorite one from the soundtrack.  After I watched the movie I listened to the studio version on youtube and saw the comments how the live version was even better.  The live version is amazing.  And has brought back an interest in his music for me.  I lost interest in them after golden age of grotesque came out years ago.  Ive been listening/watching the live version a lot ever since.  It is great check it out.  It is hands down in my opinion Manson's best song.   Even better then get your gunn (which used to be my #1 from him).  

check it out.  Also check out lost highway and its soundtrack.  And also check out the whole concert footage of manson called dead to the world.  It has live versions of songs that he will most likely never play again. 

check out this band syzygyx

 

 

I saw their concert a couple of weeks ago.   I had never heard of them before that day.  They actually ended up opening up for the band I came to see but syzygyx stole the show in my opinion.  After that I grabbed all their music.  Every song I could find.  Kill the pain and in pieces are my favorite songs so far but they have a lot of good tracks that will make you dance.  They put on a good live show too.  I had no energy for the band I actually went to see that is the reason I think they stole the show that day.  

 

I will definitely go see them again live.  They remind of boy harsher.  And I like the yell the singer has on certain songs.  A good example of this is in the song kill the pain.